But I got great tits. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. To order The film follows Albert Stark (MacFarlane) who feels certain that the western frontier is trying to kill him while coping from his break-up with his girlfriend. At least stay through the weekend. 4:18 . But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. Yet the screenplay he penned with Family Guy/Ted hands Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild is slapdash at best. But when she leaves him for the more successful and handsome owner of a moustachery store, Albert returns to his lonely daily life of trying to avoid death. the Terms and Policies, and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Albert: Oh, f*** that. Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. I'm about to shoot a full load at your cans. Albert: Oh. McNeely bases his playful and robust score on classic silver screen-era Westerns, offering up a pastiche that's both reverent and self-aware, while the theme song, which is performed by Alan Jackson, and "If You've Only Got a Mustache," the latter of which is performed by Grammy-nominated American tenor Amick Byram, are as goofy as they are . permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. Anna: Oh God, that was never gonna work out anyway. Constantly terrified, the meek and lily-livered sheep farmer, Albert Stark, mainly struggles to stay out of trouble in dusty and dangerous 1880s Arizona, utterly convinced that everything out there can and will kill him. Our old schoolmarm got her throat slit by a fast moving tumbleweed. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American Western black comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane and written by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild.The film features an ensemble cast including MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman, and Liam Neeson.The film follows a cowardly frontiersman who gains courage with the . I went to your farm the other day, and I saw one in the back yard, three way up on the ridge, two in the pond and one on the roof. But theres just one path to his infantile humour. Apple TV & Privacy The 50 greatest TV and movie detectives of all time. Anna: I mean we're basically splitting this country 50/50 with them. On the other hand, Albert also has to find the gunslinging skill in order to battle Louise's new boyfriend - the cocky and wealthy Foy (Neil Patrick Harris) - in a shootout in front of the entire town. You know, like snakes. 2014 Back Lot Music. Basically, if it's not you, it wants to kill you, and just might succeed. Halle Bailey, Melissa McCarthy, and director Rob Marshall share the tale behind making their underwater musical with a groundbreaking Disney princess. The men who were courageous and resilient were the men who prospered. 'A Million Ways to Die in the West': Inside the 'Mustache Song'. He shows impeccable taste in how his movie looks (his DOP Michael Barrett makes Monument Valley a locale to die for) and also how it sounds. 17+. CookiePolicy May 29, 2014. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? We follow the life of Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane), an incompetent and inept sheep farmer whose girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried) breaks up with him because of his glaring lack of courage and skill. Opens Friday at major . 2014 Back Lot Music. Check out the interactive photo below for more details on the scene. Me too. Although she states otherwise, the shoot-out is arguably the last straw for Louise, Albert's vain girlfriend, who breaks up with him. Anna vows to help Albert with many issues in his life, most specifically in getting Louise back largely by pretending to be his girlfriend to make Louise jealous, and learning how to shoot in what ends up being a challenge to a shoot-out with Foy for Louise's hand. Directed by Seth MacFarlane. Albert: You know what else can kill you? Maybe its his way of paying her back for mentioning her in his tasteless We Saw Your Boobs song at the Oscars. Albert: "The American west is a terrible place and time. Development for A Million Ways to Die in the West began while MacFarlane and co-writers Sulkin and Wild were watching western movies during the development of Ted. Old Stump Bluegrass . Albert, in turn, has to decide when he will become a real man in doing what he needs for what, or who, he truly wants in life. Louise: You're not even a good sheep farmer, Albert. I don't wanna put myself through that kind of f***ing aggravation. Starring Seth MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson, Neil Patrick Harris, Amanda Seyfried, Sarah Silverman and Giovanni Ribisi. He gets no comfort or love from his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who breaks his heart by dumping him for moustachioed playboy Foy (the reliably funny Neil Patrick Harris). WARNING: The rest of this article contains minor spoilers for A Million Ways To Die In The West.If you haven't seen the film, read on at your own risk! Seth MacFarlane, Amanda Seyfried, Charlize Theron. Republication or distribution of this content is The shooting gallery at the fair has only 10 targets (2 rows of five), but Anna shoots 12 for a perfect score. 10. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Cochise: There is an ancient proverb among my people: Sometimes the only way for a man to find true happiness is to take drugs in a group. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you, angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws, the doctor." Albert gives a breakdown of just a few of the million ways to die in the West. By continuing, you agree to the Privacy Policy and There is a post-credits sequence involving the gunman at the fair from the final scene. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly . Barn Dance Comedian: I tell you, folks, this telegraph machine, that thing is nuts. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? I look like I have Parkinson's next to him. 11. Stay up-to-date on all the latest Rotten Tomatoes news! If You've Only Got a Moustache. This is MacFarlanes first live-action lead role (he voiced the potty-mouthed bear in Ted) and for my money hes simply not great at being the leading man, coming off as more obnoxious than straight-up funny. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Directed by Seth MacFarlane. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Offers may be subject to change without notice. As a very loose rendition of historical fiction, it requires an ability to enjoy the suspension of belief in order to appreciate the humor, as well as an ability to look past the few offensive remarks to that are both poignant stabs at the time period as well as timely interpretations of . The film was number three at the box office during its opening weekend and grossed over $87 million worldwide against a budget of $40 million. I mean, sure it's faster than the Pony Express, but what good is it if you can't send a picture of your dick? Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: [after shooting someone] people die at the fair. Seth MacFarlane directs, produces, co-writes and plays the role of the cowardly sheep farmer Albert in A Million Ways to Die in the West. Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. "A Million Ways to Die in the West Quotes." A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - That's a Dollar Bill! What should be an ensemble comedy is more of a showcase for MacFarlane, who also co-writes and takes production and music credits. 1 May 2023. 27 May 2014 Opens Friday at major theatres 14A. Hes outclassed by Charlize Theron, who shows off her comedy chops in a surprisingly big way and generally seems to be enjoying herself. See production, box office & company info. Anna and Albert. 1882. A Million Ways to Die in the West, Seth MacFarlane's follow-up to Ted, has a solid cast and holds promise, but the trailers simply gave all the best jokes away. After Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut Ted became one of the highest-grossing comedies ever made, he pretty much had the freedom to do whatever he wanted for his second movie. Updated at 22nd July 2015 by rearranging the order of some entries: What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? Albert: I know. All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. When she sees me, she'll be intimidated as f***. 14. He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes the death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. This is the curious thing about MacFarlane. Joel McNeely composed the score and Media Rights Capital, Fuzzy Door Productions, and Bluegrass Films produced the film. It's got to be bad for their brains, right? At a recent press conference held in Los . Seth MacFarlane writes, directs and stars in this Western about a sheep farmer who falls in love with an outlaw's wife. Albert recklessly challenges Foy to a gunfight a week hence, even though the hapless sheep minder literally cant shoot to save his life. Albert: Okay, that's Bridget, all right? Anyone can read Conversations, but to contribute, you should be a registered Torstar account holder. Louise is gonna be there, and she's gonna be with Foy. [leaves]. The one where EW follows up with the cast. All Rights Reserved. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. All rights reserved. Her "it's not you, it's me" reason rings false as she quickly starts up with mustachioed Foy, the wealthy owner of a mustache grooming products store, he who Albert knows he cannot compete in not being wealthy enough to be able to grow a groomed mustache. Even as a self-described non-dancer, MacFarlane knows how to assemble the right team for a showstopper. 2 likes. The one thing a sheep farmer has to do is keep all of the sheep in one place, all right? There may indeed be A Million Ways to Die in the West, as the title of Seth MacFarlanes parody western asserts. Copyright Fandango. Albert: Oh my god, please! , and to receive email from Rotten Tomatoes. Listen to A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Edition] by Joel McNeely on Apple Music. He got . It starts from a clever brain that ceased emotional development at age 12 and winds its way through to the orifice that emits the rudest noises and effluence. Amick Byram. What Shows Have Been Renewed or Canceled. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. The film received mixed reviews from critics, with criticism directed toward the film's length and MacFarlane's performance. 3 likes. Edward: Albert, he's dead. 1882. Starring: Seth MacFarlane,Charlize Theron,Liam Neeson. By creating an account, you agree to the When a mysterious and beautiful woman rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. Yet hes afraid to stray from knuckle-dragging comedy, being obsessed with jokes about farts, diarrhea and genitals that splat more often than they zing. Depressed and discouraged by how his life is full of disappointment and how every instance of love is then destroyed and robbed from him, Albert finds comfort in Anna (Charlize Theron), a newcomer to his small village. But some men were just big giant pussies. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights And, uh, wild animals. I never see him. Copyright 2023 PREVIEW. 15. Now, I knew my aim wasn't good enough to hit you anywhere important. Set in 1882 in the American west, Albert is a lowly farmer with a nice girlfriend. Star Newspapers Limited and/or its licensors. Updated at 22nd July 2015 by rearranging the order of some entries: What is the Japanese language plot outline for A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014)? MacFarlane certainly seems to embrace this contradiction. She is now with a dapper, successful, extroverted store owner, Foy, a fact Foy keeps reminding him of. Amick Byram. After Albert backs out of a gunfight, his fickle girlfriend leaves him for another man. The American West, 1880s. Comedy, Romance, Western. There is an unrated, Extended Cut available, approximately 20 minutes longer. expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt; that's who I am. presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution If you do not yet have a Torstar account, you can create one now (it is free), Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. Edward: Yeah. Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. As a fan of Seth MacFarlane's series Family Guy and his feature film debut Ted, it's a shame to report that if you've seen the trailers for his new western comedy A . . But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put . Web. Anna: Yeah, well, I'll go with you. She is now with a dapper, successful, extroverted store owner, Foy, a fact Foy keeps reminding him of. Inspiration for the Work: The film originated as an inside joke between Seth MacFarlane and co-writers Alec Sulkin and Wesley Wild while they were watching Hang 'Em High. When a mysterious and beautiful woman rides into town, she helps him find his courage and they begin to fall in love. And in director/co-writer/star Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West (in theaters today), Neil Patrick Harris, playing the douchebag proprietor of an Old West mustache shop, loses a . You know, like snakes. However, when the infamous West outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) arrives in town, Albert realizes that he has just intruded on Clinch and Anna's husband-and-wife relationship, and Clinch is hungry for retribution. Get the freshest reviews, news, and more delivered right to your inbox! Support. Directed by Seth MacFarlane. rights reserved. He knows how to make people laugh, as demonstrated in his Family Guy TV series, his movie smash Ted and in sporadic moments of his gig hosting the Oscars last year. Filming began on May 6, 2013, in various locations in New Mexico including Alburquerque and Santa Fe, and it concluded on August 9 that year. And, uh, wild animals. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - Great Scott. He was Methodist, I'm half Jewish. Sign in to rate and Watchlist for personalized recommendations. with updates on movies, TV shows, Rotten Tomatoes podcast and more. . Gunman at Fair in Final Scene: Somebody bring me one of them white women. Albert: [Before drinking from the bowl with the indian tribe] "Mila Kunis" - subtitled as "Fine". 27 Songs, 1 hour, 2 minutes He is also not adept at shooting guns, which makes the death by shoot-outs even more likely, and is the reason why he cowers out of a shoot-out with someone to whom he owes money. He's been dead for a few minutes. Albert is befriended by Anna, along with her "brother" Lewis who are new to Old Stump, and she who is self-admittedly "smokin' hot". MacFarlane deserve some credit for allowing Theron to upstage him, sometimes just with a knowing look. Stream songs including "A Million Ways To Die", "Main Title" and more. 1882. As . Chinese Date: How should I know? His comedy might be irreverent, but the key to success in a musical number, MacFarlane says, is treating your material with the utmost seriousness. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. There's, uh, famine, disease, gunfights. Copyright 2023 Albert Stark, a mild mannered sheep farmer living outside of Old Stump, Arizona, hates everything about living in this time and place, especially the literally million ways he and others can easily die every day without a care, from shoot-outs, to bar brawls, to bites by rattlesnakes hiding in outhouses, to affliction by any one of numerous untreatable plagues and pestilences. The real peculiarity of A Million Ways To Die in The West and what a waste of a great titleis that it's got no good reason to be a Western in the first place, tongue-in-cheek or not. After his directorial debut Ted was widely praised by critics and became one of the highest-grossing R-rated comedies ever made, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane had the freedom to do whatever he wanted with . Anna: [to Louise] How can you be so blind with eyes that big?! This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. On the Granger Movie Gauge of 1 to 10, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is a moronic 2. For example, if you drain a certain amount of venom from the fangs of a diamondback rattler into a hollow-tip bullet, you really only need one shot. MacFarlane also relied on veteran singer and two-time Grammy nominee Amick Byram to do the vocals. Quotes.net. A 2021 study estimated more than a third of U.S. heat deaths each year can be attributed to human-caused global warming. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. This version also has even more footage in deleted scenes, and an alternate beginning and ending. Its justits a song about sperm, and yet they treat it with such legitimacy in their orchestration and their vocal performance and their choreography, and its this huge number with what looks to be over 100 dancers on screen. Anna: Especially a smoking hot girl. Albert: The guy is one of the best shots around. Albert: You know, there are a million ways to die in the west, Clinch. [Stark comes running around the corner and falls and his face]. And then, for a good reason, Albert gets dumped by his charming girlfriend, Louise, only to fall head over heels in love with the intriguingly mysterious, horse-riding and pistol-packing stranger, Anna. When the rivalry leads to a duel, he gets help from an unexpected, beautiful source. As a cowardly farmer begins to fall for the mysterious new woman in town, he must put his newly found courage to the test when her husband, a notorious gun-slinger, announces his arrival. Well, it was still good though. This was the American frontier in 1882, a hard land for hard folk. R, 1 hr 55 min. A Million Ways to Die in the West is a 2014 American western comedy film directed by Seth MacFarlane, who wrote the screenplay with Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild. By Stephen Holden. But jokes that weren't funny the first time aren't funny the sixth time, either. I read an article in the paper. and the The film was released on May 30, 2014, in the United States, and distributed worldwide by Universal Pictures. Toronto Star articles, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com, Conversations are opinions of our readers and are subject to the, The Toronto Star and thestar.com, each property of Toronto Star Chinese Date: My father is a railroad worker, like every other Chinaman. Newspapers Limited, 8 Spadina Avenue, 10th Floor, Toronto, ON M5V 0S8. Making a splash: A deep dive into the live-action. It found more than 1,100 deaths a year from climate change-caused heat in . However, a pistol-packing woman named Anna (Theron) rides into town and helps Albert find his inner courage. "Don't go snackin' if you been tobaccin'.". We Should All Just Wear Coffins As Clothes, Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast, Psycho (The Complete Original Motion Picture Score), A Million Ways To Die In the West (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), Bernard Herrmann: The Twilight Zone Conducted By Joel McNeely (Music From Television Series), Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire (Original Soundtrack), X-Men: Days of Future Past - Rogue Cut (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Extended Version], The Imitation Game (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack), 007: Casino Royale (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) [Deluxe Version]. Seth MacFarlane, Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West: A Novel. The film features an ensemble cast including MacFarlane, Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Giovanni Ribisi, Sarah Silverman and Liam Neeson. Old Stump Bluegrass. And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. 116 minutes. What are the differences between the Theatrical Version and the Extended Cut. Vulgar -- yes, but just not funny. As Albert and Anna start to fall for each other in the process, Anna has to decide if and when she will tell him the truth: that she is already married, albeit unhappily, to Clinch Leatherwood, a vicious outlaw who, along with his gang, she and Lewis are waiting for in Old Stump. When she shoots, short cuts to the gallery show 10 targets, but 12 shots are heard and Anna wins the prize for perfect score. to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about Anna: There is something about connecting over mutual hatred that is just so much deeper than mutual love. A Million Ways to Die in the West: Official Clip - He Drank the Whole Bowl! All you need is a little bit of the venom introduced into your bloodstream and you're pretty much screwed. PREVIEW. Directed by Seth MacFarlane. For a few chuckles more. After backing out of a duel and losing his girlfriend, sheep farmer Albert slowly rebuilds his self-respect with the help of a married woman. But, just how many ways to die are there in the west? Seth MacFarlane, the rowdy "Family Guy" creator who wrote, directed, and stars in the new comedy "A Million Ways to Die in the West," stopped by TODAY Thursday to talk about the film. The only time it came out of nowhere was when Charlize said, "Hey, Ewan McGregor is doing a movie up the street!" If You've Only Got a Moustache. If You've Only Got a Moustache. She has a problem with retardation, but she's full of love. All Indian Chief: (after Albert's drug trip hallucination; in Athabaskan) Did you shoot the black condor and then kicked it in the balls? In Seth MacFarlane's A Million Ways to Die in the West, Neil Patrick Harris takes center stage for one of the film's best sequences the highly choreographed and riotously funny "Mustache . And, you know, the funny thing is, you don't even have to get bitten. Ruth: Oh yeah, it's this, its like from here to here. But when her husband, a notorious outlaw, arrives seeking revenge, the farmer must put his newfound courage to the test. Stream songs including "A Million Ways To Die", "Main Title" and more. A passive, shy sheep farmer tries to avoid conflict, a trait which has kept him alive but has now resulted in his girlfriend leaving him. Then the mysterious Anna rides into town and captures Albert's interest and heart, but with her deadly husband in town, Albert is going to have to become the western gun-slinging hero he never was. A Million Ways to Die in the West is not for everyone. Entertainment Weekly may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Anna: Oh, thank God, 'cause I was like ah [mimics gun to her head] , kill me. Edward: No I feel like I should have a piece of cake or something. Enter Anna, played by Charlize Theron, a regular Annie Oakley who takes a shine to Albert and wants to show him how to cock his pistol. And just a small amount of venom in an open wound is enough to kill a man if he's Albert: Did he hear all that smart stuff I did? Anna and Albert. Doc Brown: Nothing. PREVIEW. All rights reserved. Albert: No, no, no, no! Albert is attracted to her, initially, by her beauty, but realizes she's the courage and confidence he has always hungered for. A Million Ways to Die in the West hits theaters on May 30. Do you know what kind of hours he has to work?
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